Coordinate Website

Still on hiatus, I swear.

About a week ago, I came across a really great website for coordinate resources.  I wanted to share it in my last post, but it didn't really fit in with the theme.

http://codenote.jp/
They just recently opened their PC website!  It's a great source of inspiration, and it's also a great way to see the different ways to coordinate with one item (they have contests for it).  It doesn't matter what your style is, it's most likely in there.  I've seen all sorts of random outfit ideas in there.  I've even seen a few cosplay outfits.

They've still got a few bugs to work out, like when you go to someone's main page, you can't seem to see past 5 coordinates initially.  I've found that by adding &page= at the end, and then a number, it goes to the next page, but for those who don't want to go through all of that trouble, just stick to the main pages and bookmark your favorites until they fix it later.

Oh, and if you find someone you like, they might have their blog linked too!


Enjoy~!

Still Alive

Hello
Have you all been doing okay?

I miss blogging like crazy.  I mean, I really miss it.
But , I still haven't accomplished the goal I set out to, which was to find a new job.

Things got pretty low for me.  I'm the unfortunate type to place her self-worth on her status in the world.  For a while, I felt like I was nothing, since I wasn't contributing anything.  I stopped seeing my friends.  I stopped doing much of anything, really.  I had to force myself to eat on a normal basis, because I pretty much lost my appetite entirely.  I only left my room when I had to.

I still feel pretty down about my situation, but I've got no choice but to keep trying anyway.  Nothing will change if I just give up, after all.


In the meantime, I've never taken my eyes off of the Gyaru style.  I still love Hime-kei as much as I did before (which was a lot, lol), and I'm still interested in branching to Rokku-kei as well.  I've also started looking at the sweet styles that Satomi and Okarie are known for, as I would also like a style that I can wear on a daily basis at a future job.  I've found lots of new websites I hope to buy from, like Rojita and Ank Rouge.  I think my clothing coordinate skills have improved greatly, as I can see the potential in many pieces of clothing that I formerly could only see in the way it was displayed.  I haven't done much in the way of Gyaru makeup (especially since I have no reason to wear it if I'm not wearing anything fashionable), but I've found a good way to do nude makeup and can even do it in 20 minutes, when formerly, it would have taken me an hour.  I think I've gotten the hang of contouring, though I won't know until I come back and can show others.  And ultimately, I've realized that I don't care whether it's wild or tame, the old style or the new, I just really like the Gyaru style in general.  I hope I can return soon, so I can work on my style and learn from others.  It's not nearly enough to say I've probably gotten better.  I want to show you.


Until then, I will continue to look for a job and I will continue my hiatus here, as much as I really wish I could return.  My goal for this blog was to be a personal and a fashion blog, however.  I'm missing one of those things.


I really want to thank everyone who is sticking around, even though I'm not here.  I did read everyone's comments to my previous post, and I truly appreciate the well wishings that were sent.  I really mean it when I say you are all absolutely wonderful people.

I'll keep trying, so that I can return to you.

Overdue Hiatus

*Sigh* I feel like such a failure....

I've been dreading coming here for some time.  Not because I hate being a Gyaru, or because of those who watch me.
It's not even because I think I'm boring, because I know I'm boring, and that doesn't really matter to me.

It's just that, I'm really ashamed at the progress I'm making, which is to say, I'm not making any right now.

You guys know I'm on a job hunt.  What you don't know is that I'm applying for jobs that are above my range right now.  I can't do retail anymore.  I never want to go through the stress of trying to meet numbers (for those of you who read my entry back in January about having a panic attack, it was because of GameStop, and when I quit, I stopped having breathing problems immediately).  I'm not a sales girl, and I couldn't persuade a drowning man to get into my boat.  I'm just not cut-throat enough.  And besides, I want a real job, one with steady hours and steady pay, a place where I can take a sick day and not worry about losing my paycheck, or fear that I'll be let go because I'm not performing as well as person X.

I can't really make anything, certainly nothing good enough to sell, nor do I have much money to spare on practicing.  I don't live in a good town for babysitting.  Ultimately, it's just me, applying for jobs that are out of my range.

Except, I'm not even doing that.
I had a couple of really great interviews a few months ago.  One, I told you about with the keyholder position, and the other was for an entry level receptionist position.  I felt they went great, but obviously they didn't.

That should have brought me hope.  For so many months, I've been applying, and not even getting a message saying "Hey, thanks and all, but you're not what we're looking for, sorry!" so for me to finally get that far, I should have been even more determined.

Instead, I couldn't help but feel like a total failure.  All I can think is that I've messed up, and for the past few months, I've been convincing myself not to bother trying again.

Because I don't have too much money to even spend on Gyaru things, or really anything besides food, I start telling myself it's kind of pointless to update this blog.  I mean, what is there to say?  'Hey guys, totally still working on being a good Gyaru, lol!'?  I can't keep feeding you all promises when I'm constantly telling myself "What's the point?"

What's worse is that I really have gotten better at being a Gyaru.  I've even been able to coordinate my own outfits, something I've never been able to do unless it came as a set or looked similar to something I've seen someone elsewhere (years of just picking out a shirt and some jeans will do that to a person, you know).

I just don't have spare money.  There's not really anything I can do around the house that will earn me anything, now that my Grandma has someone who will do all of that for us.  And because I'm so gun-shy about the job market, I can't even say I'm still looking.  Part of me wishes I had someone to keep me on the ball with this sort of thing, to nag me about keeping my promise of applying to 5 jobs a day.  But I'm a realist.  No one would do that, because I'm supposed to be taking care of myself.  It shouldn't be someone else's job to make sure I look for one of my own, after all.

I think I'll take some time off here, until I get a job.  It's not like I can really post anything here anyway.  What's the point of having a blog about my journey towards being a Hime-Gyaru, if I can't even buy things to be one?  And I can only fill these entries with 'We can do it' speeches for so long.

I don't know what I'll do, or how long I'll be away.  I guess I'll return in a couple of months regardless.  I wouldn't want others to think I've abandoned this blog when I really don't want to leave in the first place.  I just don't want to keep posting pointless things.  It's supposed to be a blog about my progress, so if I'm not making any, seems strange to keep coming here....  No one reads Gyaru blogs to read only about what they've cooked or a review on a magazine that anyone can download.


Currently, my Grandma is teaching me how to be a legal secretary, but at the rate we're going, I'm not sure how long I'll be doing that.  Until then, I'll be trying to rally myself up again into applying for jobs once more.  I have to imagine, there must be one person out there who needs a true workaholic.

I'm sorry, everyone, for letting you all down, but I just can't keep disappointing you all with these kinds of entries anymore.  I don't want anymore entries about what I wish, but what I have....

How ironic, and I even got an award from Lavenrose about my blog too.  I'm really sorry.

Sayo Has Left Ageha? + Recent Goings On

I just recently got a copy of August's Ageha~

I really liked the scans, and hated the fact that all of the pages were missing about an inch on the inside, so I decided to get my own!

But I noticed something, upon my 4th or so time going through it....
Where's Sayo?

I noticed she was only on a couple pages, so I decided to go look at her blog.
I have to rely on Google Translate, but I think at one point, it said she was leaving.

Gah!  I liked her!  I mean, I couldn't do sexy style to save my life, but she was absolutely perfect for the magazine!!


Besides that, I also noticed a bunch of the official models wearing a specific type of bottom lashes, that I just happened to have ordered recently, lol.  Literally, a day after I ordered them, August's Ageha came out for download, and immediately, I see Sakurina, Shizuka, Rin, and Megu wearing similar brands to what I just ordered!  It's like they knew~!


Ah yes, I recently came into lots of money, and what did I spend much of that money on?
...Books.  *sigh*  What a bad Gyaru I am....
And not even novels either, cookbooks and manga.  $100.  Though to be honest, one of those books was a gift, and I just had to buy the Gossip Girl manga, and come on, you expect me to pass up a cookbook full of 20 minute meals??

Then I bought some fabric, drinks, Okamiden, and some bathroom stuff (well, I bought some new body wash for exfoliating and some rose scented deodorant, maybe it counts?)  I had plans to buy some makeup, but ultimately, I only ordered some Diamond bottom lashes and bought some powders to work on highlighting and contouring.  I finally stopped being lazy and did that apple cider mask, which after a week straight really lightened my acne scars (I should really be doing it more.  Ugh, I really wish I had a Gyaru friend to keep me on the ball with stuff like this....).  I was going to buy some curling irons, but I remembered that my mom has a billion curlers she never uses.

I also bought a Miss Bianca doll (The Rescuers) on clearance from the Disney Store.  My middle name is Bianca, so when I was young, I used to get a lot of Miss Bianca related things.  It was so great to see her again.  She should be more popular in Japan, so I can get lots of things with her theme, lol.  I also got a new bra and some absolutely wonderful Hello Kitty slippers, since my old slippers were on its last legs, so to speak.


I'd post photos, but since the only things truly related to Gyaru aren't here yet, I'm not sure if anyone cares, lol.

I'll show more makeup attempts when my lashes come in, which probably won't be for a bit, heh.

Thank you for 55 followers~!

Long time no see, huh?

I've been pretty busy/tired/lazy lately, lol.  I'm sorry....

But I really wanted to take the time to thank everyone who is following me~~  I can't believe I'm at 55!

I wish I could do something for all of you.  Like bake everyone treats or something, lol.  You're all wonderful people, and I'm glad to have you around, even just to read these pages.
Alright, you know what I'll say, I'll keep working hard!  Thank you so much for all of your support!

In other news, today is a very important day.

I've got an interview today, but this one is special.

It's for a store I really want to work at... and they want me to try for assistant manager, a position I never dreamed of applying to!   

Hairstylin'

I know I said I wouldn't be doing too many hairstyles....  Lol.

Some days ago, my grandma wanted me to go shopping for a few things.
This hairstyle just kind of happened.  I was going to put it in a ponytail, and then, on the fly, I just decided to go with it.

So that's my excuse for why it doesn't look too great, lol.

July's Ageha and New Hime Inspiration

Sunday morning, I was in for a huge surprise!
Not only had Ageha come out, but....  There was a new model on the cover!

Who is she?
It looks like she's a completely new comer named Megu Fujigamori.

I don't think I've ever seen her in any other issue before, and I was under the impression that they usually start off as guest models before they gain enough popularity that she gets voted into being a featured model.  Where did she come from?

Maybe their most popular models just didn't want to be exclusive?

Anyway, how do I think she fared?
Meh....  I mean, it's not like I never noticed her, but nothing really wowed me besides her eyes.  They're just so big and round. It looks like her style isn't quite defined just yet.

Well, on to the rest of the magazine!

Never Have I Ever...

Since my debut, I've been paying more attention to everything pertaining to beauty.

I find myself saving more things on skin care and hair care, and even dieting (not that I need to lose weight, but I could stand to eat healthier).  It's like a little princess in my head found some secret room and switched on some 'health and beauty overdrive' button, lol.

I used to just read Ageha and Betty (and to a lesser extent Egg and Popteen) for the hairstyles and clothing, but now I'm paying attention to what they're saying about exercises and massages and things like that.  I knew my debut would mean something big, but I had no idea it would be like this.  I really hope this isn't a phase!

It's exciting, but also a little overwhelming.  There's a lot being presented to me.  What will work and what won't?  I may have found a nice combination that's helping my skin now (and seriously, I went from bumps everywhere to nothing in 2 weeks) but eventually my skin will get used to it and it won't be as effective anymore.  It'll be good to rotate different masks in and out to suit my needs.

Anyway, I tried a bouffant today!

DEBUT!!!

This entry was so many days in the making....  and then I didn't know how to proceed, so I got lazy, lol.  I'm so sorry!!

My debut was... pretty quiet, lol.  Because it was going to be hot and I was going to be out all day (and I was out from 10a until 2a the next day!), I didn't even get to wear the outfit I planned....  I hadn't actually planned on doing anything Saturday previously; I was going to get dressed up and go to the mall or something, lol.  But I hadn't seen Niki in months.  It was worth it!

Anyway, my debut has come and gone, and now I'm going to be trying harder to wear Hime things outside.


What does this debut mean for you guys?
Well for one, more public Hime-Gyaru attempt photos!  Now that I'm going to let myself be up for the public eye, I not only want this to show what I can do, but to learn from others as well.  Like I said before, I really wanted to get some kind of foundation first, before I started posting everywhere going "OMG LOOK @ MEEEE!"  I want people to know what I'm going for so they can help me better.

I've learned so much in these past few months, and while I'm still trying to figure out a lot of things, I'm so much better off than when I started.  Now I think I'm sure-footed enough to make my attempts public, or at least enough that I won't feel like such a failure if I've messed up a lot! 

Even though it's still so strange to be doing any of this, lol.

Now, it'll be a while before I can really do outfit photos.  Much of my money has gone towards necessities and food, lol....  So it'll mostly be makeup and (to a lesser extent) hair photos for a bit.


So, with that being said, here is my first serious attempt!

Week's Plans

You guys know Satomi Yakuwa, right?  Cute Gyaru girl from Ageha?  Oh, of course you know who she is!

The other day, someone had looked up "Satomin hostess" and came across my blog.  It reminded me that her hostess name is different (I discovered this because I have a hostess hair book and she's in it under that name) so I wanted to look up what it was before it bothered me, lol.

I ended up coming across this really interesting article.  If you like Satomin, you'll like it, because it really gives an insight on her life as a hostess and a model at Ageha.

http://www.cnngo.com/tokyo/life/day-life-japanese-hostess-model-446351

I knew it was a lot of work for them, but I never realized how much.  I must admit, she does sound like a typical teenager with the quotes they have from her, lol, but in the end, I guess it just gives her a little more dimension.  She always looks so cute and sweet in the pages, so it's a little surprising to imagine her complaining or scoffing at the use of green and blue circle lenses.  She's such a kid!


Anyway, I'm in the final stretch!  I've learned that my curlers suck at holding a curl in my hair, lol (Conair, you've failed me again!), so I'm going to have to use my straightener, but I think I know what hairstyle I want to attempt.  My week is so full!  Today, I've got a dentist appointment to fill my little cavities, and I'm a little nervous about it!  I've never had cavities filled before....  I also want to call for an appointment to get my hair cut on Wednesday!  Don't worry, I'm not getting any length taken off (at least, I personally don't plan to, I hope the hair dresser's not going to!) I just want to get these bangs I saw in my hair book, and get some layers.

I'm thinking of these bangs.  I mean, they're just regular bangs, but she's got her hair parted to the side, so it looks kind of fancy, lol.  Eventually, I'd like to get her coloring as well, with the highlights in front and lowlights in the back, but that will have to come later.

Thursday, I'm hanging out with Tara.  Not sure if we're going to Mitsuwa or Oak Brook though.  Originally it was Mitsuwa, but I remembered she liked the Oak Brook mall, so I asked if she wanted to go there instead.  In the end, we're going to see what the weather will be like on Thursday (first it said there would be rain, then it said there wouldn't be, and now it's saying it'll rain again).  Originally Saturday, I was going to get my hair styled or something for my debut, but my friend Niki, who I haven't seen in months, finally got an assistant manager at her place, thus reducing her hours to regular levels!  I'm taking her to Mitsuwa (lol, originally I asked if she wanted to go Thursday, but she was working, but she really wants to go).  I still haven't found cute flats!  Gotta find some at DSW!  Going to be so broke, and I've been trying so hard to save money for this day, too....  Stupid prior obligations/food I had to buy....

Sunday, I'm hanging out with my mom and her husband.  I told him about this Japanese restaurant that I really liked, and he really wanted to try it.

I'm going to try and take a picture of my look on Saturday.  I'll try really hard not to be absentminded about it, because if I do, I'll get home looking so dull compared to how awesome I looked when I left, lol.


Better get some sleep.  Nervous day today!

By the way, this is the book I got that photo above from, if you're wondering.  Apparently it's called Morigami Setsuto Saron Bible, but if you look up Sakura Mook 38, you'll come across it in YesAsia.  It all comes back to the previous part of my post, because Satomin is actually in this book, lol.  This is the very hostess hair book I was talking about!

Furniture Photos, Teeth, and Contacts

Ugh, another Blogger issue where I couldn't sign in, but I cleared my blogger.com and blogspot.com cookies, and now it's working....  Took me three days to find this out, and I wouldn't have, had I not seen people updating their Blogger blogs, lol.

Anyway, for the past few days, I've been focusing on trying to fix my skin.  My debut is in less than a couple weeks, so I was a little stressed that I'd have to go out all gross looking!   But I've figured out the reason for my recent breakouts (the lotion I was using).  Fortunately, when I went to the store to find a new lotion, I found some aloe vera gel!   This stuff is amazing at healing skin, plus it has cucumber extracts which will help keep my skin cool and reduce heat bumps (those little bumps you may get when it's really hot out, caused by crystallized sweat and clogged pores, ew).  I also got a really nice clay mask that sucked up all the excess oil my skin was producing.  I'm going to be doing Bubbi's apple cider mask and toner tonight, to lighten my acne scars and help aid in the healing.  The scars on my face have pretty much healed though, so the aloe is doing it's job!   I've got super combination skin (IE, where it's oily, it's really oily, and where it's dry, it's really dry) so it helps in keeping them both in check as well.  I just have to remember to put on a lot more than I'm used to.  My skin eats this stuff up!


We got one more item for my room today, a nightstand.  Grandma got a TV stand too, but it won't be coming in for a few months.  She said she'll be getting me the full length mirror I've been wanting.  The room is still far from complete, however.  I still need a shelf for my crafting supplies.

Here are the pictures I promised forever ago, lol.

New Furniture!

Blogger, you are back!!  Oh, promise you'll never leave me again!  Seriously, I've been refreshing the page every hour on the hour.  Came back at noon!



Anyway, my furniture came in Wednesday!  I've been filling it up, weeding out clothing I'm not going to wear so I can donate it, and putting things away on the shelves.  Turned out, when my grandma used the term "TV Stand", what she meant was that there was a dresser area, and then shelving space above it.  Really wide shelving.  My bottom shelf is already full of things, lol.  But they're things that I'm glad are finally off the floor, such as my plastic drawers for makeup and hair stuff.  I don't have to worry about ants discovering my lipgloss collection, or spiders turning my clean clothes into a new home.

It's so nice to see everything at a glance again.  I can finally tell if I'm almost out of underwear! (And I am!)  It took me 3 minutes to put together an outfit!

So What's Going On?

Hello all~!

My grandma randomly surprised me by following through with a promise!  She bought some storage, finally!

It's apparently some kind of TV armoire though.  Not only do I not have a TV, but I already have a table for a TV.  So, quick thinking, and I realized I could turn the TV area into a nice shelving space!  Finally, a place to put things away~!  +1 for me~~!!!

Besides that, last Saturday marked exactly 4 weeks until my debut.  I've learned a bit more with my makeup, though I've had to slow down, because my skin has been misbehaving sporadically.  It's a little annoying.  I think it's the sudden weather shift.  It went from nice, 50°F weather to 90°F!!  We're in the north, that's not how it's supposed to work!  No, wait, that's not true.  It's Illinois, we just had a huge snowstorm that brought in 3 feet of snow and then it all melted away just the next week.  50 to 90 is nothing.

Also, Saturday, I went to one of my mom's modelling shows~!  Yes, my mom is a model, not a super famous one, of course, and she does it as a hobby along side her real job as a legal secretary, but she's a model.  I forgot to bring my camera....  I wish I had, she looked so stunning!

Positive thinking has really done a number on me.  Even things that used to get to me don't so much, and I find I'm a lot less stressed.  It did, however, almost get me to cut my own bangs.  Fortunately, I couldn't quite envision how I would look in a nice blunt cut.  Gotta save up, head to a college for some work or something.  Cut, color, highlights.

Er, I'm off topic...
Ah, yes.
Positive thinking!

It's really helping me a lot.  I feel hopeful again, something I've needed.  Started sending out my resume to receptionist jobs again, even though I originally gave up because I didn't think anyone out there would hire someone without office experience.  Well, there must be someone, right?  I'm not a star, I'm a sidekick!  I prefer the background to the spotlight. (I know, ironic given my choice of fashion is so flashy....)


Anyway, I've got a lot of work to do, moving things out of my room temporarily so that it will be easier to move the furniture in my room.  I wish I was given the chance to see what grandma bought me, and I'm almost positive she actually bought it for herself in hopes that I would hate it and she would get to have it, but still, for once she kept her promise, so I guess I have to let it go.  It'll be a good, long while before I can consider her reliable and trust her again, but it's a start!  I mean, she's only promised me shelving for... 2 years now, lol.


By the way, has anyone seen June's Ageha?  It's all model profiles and hairstyles, so you know.  I'd do a review, but I don't know if anyone reads those things, lol.

That One Licorice Jelly Bean

I hate licorice.  A lot.
Just the thought of it is making me want to scrape my tongue of the memory of that horrible flavor.  I want to punch the guy who put this in candy form.  I mean, I guess some people like it, but for me, they have tainted the name of candy.


A few days ago, I donated a dollar to some people collecting money for some organization.  In return, I got a little bag of Jelly Bellys.

I love Jelly Bellys.  I'm not normally a fan of jelly beans, but Jelly Bellys are wonderful.  They taste exactly like they say they will.  Apple, coconut, peach, margarita....  So many delicious flavors~

But, like most jelly beans, they also have licorice flavor.  Ick.

Now, I got the little assorted packet, which comes with 10 beans in one of 20 different flavors.  So every bean has a 19 in 20 chance of being a flavor I would enjoy.

What do I get when I open my little bag of Jelly Bellys?
Two coconuts, two green apples, a blueberry, a cotton candy, a lemon lime, a pineapple, a buttered popcorn, and...
One disgusting licorice flavor.

And.
I had to laugh.

Happy Birthday to ManaStarre~!!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY TODAY IS??

Well, of course you do, it's in the title.


That's right, May 1st has touched down in my neck of the woods, and the lovely princess ManaStarre's birthday is today~! 
Unfortunately, I started the gift too late, it's not done yet....   It's got to be juuuuuust right!  Need to wait until Wednesday to get something else too.  What am I giving her?  Ooooh, I'm not gonna tell!

She's been around me for a while, and she's been helping me and cheering me on a lot.  She's a pretty special person to me~

Anyway, happy birthday, ManaStarre~! When I finish, I'll send you my e-mail, so you can tell me where to mail your presents!

Kawaii Kiki's First Giveaway

Hello all~
I feel like I should be blogging, but I'm still recovering from my bad mood, so I'm deciding not to for a bit.  At the very least, I've managed to pinpoint why I'm feeling so down, now I just have to figure out how to make it better.  That's the time consuming part, lol.

Anyway, there's a blog out there that I just keep coming across during my research into the Hime field.  I mean, seriously, I don't know how many times I've come across her blog just looking for something related.

Turns out, she's having her first giveaway!
And even though I'm not entering myself (I don't apply for big giveaways anymore, ever since last winter I tried for 5 and never came close, lol), I still wanted to spread the word, since she's not only got some nice things, but she's pretty nice herself!

What she's giving away:
- A sheet of decoden rhinestones appliques
- Under eye mask
- Double lid eyelid glue (also good for putting on lashes)
- A pair of Forever 21 lashes
- Forever 21 leopard print makeup pouch
- A set of 3 pink gem bracelets from Forever 21
- A couple of Iwako erasers
- Hello Kitty tissues
- Chocolate flavored lipgloss (in a cupcake shaped container)
- Her own brand of leopard print hair bows
- A pair of plano Geo Princess Mimi Apple Green lenses

Her contest ends June 3rd, and she'll be picking the winner the day after.  You can go here for more details.
And while you're at it, read the rest of her blog!


But besides that, I've realized recently I still need to put up a review for Pretty & Cute as well as on the products I've gotten.  Hopefully, my grandma's vacation will be over today so I can take proper pictures in the sun on how my BB Cream looks.  I think I've tested everything for long enough.

When You Give A Girl A Glue Gun....

Hello~!

I'm feeling pretty good right now, much better than the first half of this month.

I bought a new cereal, some Fiber-One.  I didn't get it for the fiber, but it said it was caramel flavor, lol.  It's delicious!  Tastes just like cereal with caramel drizzled on it~~  Makes me look forward to waking up in the morning!  Well, more than all of the lovely bright sunshine, that is.

Also, tomorrow, I'm hanging out with Tara, and I'm taking her somewhere new.  We're going to the Oak Brook Mall (a giant outdoor mall) to walk around and get some exercise, what with the wonderful weather we've been blessed with....  Well, mostly, when it's not raining, it's really nice!  It's supposed to be clear and in the 50's tomorrow, good walking weather!  I just wish I had some cute walking shoes!  All I have are my ugly gym shoes.  Ah well.

But what really got my mood up was that I finally got to make something I've been wanting to make for some months now.  A replica of BtSSB's floral headband.

I had to take some liberties, since of course I don't have all of the supplies they do.  And I wish I had shifted everything over a little more before gluing.  Still, it came out much better than I expected!  Do you want to see?

Having a Bad Day

You know, I like my blog.
Even if everyone just stopped reading today, I'd still like it.

I don't have anyone I can talk to about my problems.  Unlike me, my friends are usually all too busy with jobs, boyfriends, and general happenings, and unfortunately with the way I grew up, I'm too gun-shy to talk to my family, since when I would try to tell them my problems, I usually got met with "you're being over-dramatic" when they don't realize how much of my emotions I keep bottled up.  (not healthy, I know, but I used to get in a lot of trouble for getting angry, so I learned to keep it all in so I wouldn't get in trouble anymore.)

But here, I can talk about whatever ails me, whether it's a bad day, a bad experience, or even just PMSing, lol.  It's a good way to learn how to deal with things alone, because even if I do meet another "Jerry" to come and help me up when things get down, I may not have access to that person.  I don't want to be a burden and have to rely on others forever.

Of course, no one wants to read a bunch of posts about people being sad.  For a while, you might think, maybe I can cheer them up.  Eventually, you start to believe they're only doing it for attention, and that maybe if they just actively tried to make themselves happy, they would be.

So!
I don't want this to be a "Poor Tiffany, give her lots of lovessss!" post.  It'll just be... evidence.
Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, even bad months and years.  Some of us can shrug it off and power through.  Some of us add them to a huge pile of unhappy moments, and let it weigh us down.  I am a latter, slowly making my way to the former.  I find that writing my problems helps, because then I can think everything through completely, and nothing is kept inside.

May's Ageha

Do you like the smokey look for eyes?

Look no further than May's Ageha, lol!
Yes, it's already out for download (though we won't be getting it in my state until May).

Anyway, there are a ton of pages on the smokey eye look.  I definitely don't mind, I like it most.  It's why I always gravitate to Sakurina's makeup.

As for the fashions....
They're not bad, but nothing extra spectacular.  This issue, they seem to be catering to everyone.  A lot of tame stuff.  You'll have no problem bringing this issue in and finding every coordinate at a Forever 21, lol.   Still, I was pretty disappointed, because when I saw Himena's previews, I was really hoping the floral theme would continue a little more.

Don't expect anything groundbreaking in the field of hairstyles either.   It's more or less of the same thing: curly hair that's down, or curly hair that's in a ponytail.

All in all, not a very special issue, but I'm really grateful for the smokey eye makeup all over the place.  I have more references to go by

Well anyway, here are a few pages/images from this issue.  I got it from Tokyo Jam.

1st Public Eye Makeup Attempt!

Well, here it is!

I didn't think it was very successful this time, but I didn't want to lie about posting it today....  It's still 11p here, so I'm good!

This is my first public posting of my eye makeup attempt.

Some minor notes:
-I'm still really scared of putting in my contacts again, lol....
-I am wearing bottom lashes, but they aren't as dramatic as the top lashes.  Have to save up for some Diamond Lashes soon.
-Also, my eyeliner is really terrible.  Don't buy Elf liquid liner.  It comes out nice and thick, but it doesn't stick to skin well, so while the glue for my lashes is great (I've tested it on its own, seems to last quite a while and is easily removed), it'll stick to the liner and come right off, taking the liner with it.  That's what you see on my bottom lash.  I wanted to fix it, but when I started taking it off, the liner went with it!  I just gave up.
-I didn't curl my actual lashes.  Didn't even think to....  I'll try to remember next time!

Err, please be gentle!

Finding Ways to Say I'm Not Sorry

It's been some time since I've gotten to really rant.
I'm not looking for any sympathy, I just really want to get it all out, or else it'll haunt my thoughts and I won't be able to sleep at all.

I live with my grandmother.  I have for some time.  I'm kind of in charge of taking care of her.  She needs me all the time, and while it's good to take care of the elders in your family, I wish I wasn't the only one....

Sunday, I went out to get my car fixed up.  It was 83°F outside, so I decided to wear my shorts, but I hadn't shaved in a bit, so I put on one of my lace stockings under them.  My floral ones.  I like them.  They're comfy and elegant.
At least, I thought so.

My grandmother saw me when I came home.  She made a joke about them.  She likes to sound cute about things.  I just rolled my eyes and went to my room to get changed back into my pajamas.

Tonight, my grandmother decided to talk to me about them.  I was hurt when the word "trashy" popped up, but I was livid when she assumed I was doing it for a man's attention.  The conversation ended with "Do you think a Christian woman like yourself should be conducting yourself in such a manner, dressed like a... prostitute?" before I had to step in.

It was only the stockings, mind you.  Had I just worn the shorts on their own, it would have been alright.

We've been getting along for the past few weeks.  Not amazing, but certainly better than before.
But tonight just reminds me that, no, she will never accept me, no matter what I do, because I'm not doing what she wishes I would.


You're supposed to listen to the elders.  They know better.
But what do you do when what they say goes against who you are?  What do you do when you completely disagree?

We are complete opposites when it comes to personalities.  It's obvious we will clash as long as we live together.  It doesn't help that I like being alone and am constantly protecting my personal space.


I know I've said it before, that she will never accept me.  But it doesn't make the pain any less every time I realize how evident it is.

I could just go with whatever she says, but that would only cause me stress.  After all, a large part of my stress stems from many years of suppressing who I was and what I really wanted out of life.
I'm already fighting with her over my path, and that's clearly not working.

What do I do?  Until I find a decent paying job, I'm stuck here, ever alert to moments just like this, keeping everything I am and everything I do guarded from her prying eyes, because I know she'll only make a negative comment about it.  The more this happens, the more I'm starting to think that should I ever leave, that I will have no choice but to push her from my life.  We will never see eye to eye, because we are both stubborn over our beliefs, me because I've done, and am still doing research and am discovering the flaws in the things I grew up with, her because they are deep-seeded and they have been done for centuries before her and are therefore absolute.

It's a battle of old-fashioned vs. new-fashioned.  She feels she's got to "save" me from destruction when I'm only paving a new trail.


It was only recently that I decided to finally be myself and that I wasn't doing anything evil or wrong for doing things in a new way.  So how do I deal with someone who seems to think I am, or am at least really close to it?  How do I make her see that while I may look naive and young, I've experienced so much more than she could ever imagine?  Is there a way to preserve my way of life while satisfying what she wants to see in me?  Or is this a losing battle and should I just abandon ship and forge my own way regardless of what she wants?  Even when she acknowledges that I'm an adult and can do what I want, I know she'll only make comments as long as I do it, to me and to others.  She actually wanted to have me wear that ensemble again, just so she could go around asking others if they thought I looked trashy.



*sigh*  We may forever clash in life, but she's still family, and family is very important to me.  But still, every time she opens her mouth, I cringe at her narrow-mindedness.  I wonder what she would do if she found out that I almost lost my faith because of her personal beliefs.

No, I know this is a losing battle.  I guess I don't really need answers to these questions.
I'll just have to keep forging ahead, reminding myself that I'm not a bad person for being myself.  It's just really sad that I will have to forever put her in the group of people who won't accept me because of who I am.  A random stranger is easy to ignore.  Family is not.  I just wish there was a way I could tell her to keep her opinions to herself from now on.


Well, this was a load off of my mind, because these are things I've been thinking about for a while.  I have no one to talk to about this personally anymore, so I guess it just builds up.  The one weakness of being a lone goat, lol.


So things aren't too heavy in this entry, I think I will post up an eye makeup attempt tomorrow/later today, if she's not at home again.  I finally got it to look really good last Friday, and I think I can recreate it.  I'll need to get opinions of it eventually!

Yumetenbo Catering to Larger Feet?

I love Yumetenbo, lol.
I think this is obvious to everyone.

Recently, I've been noticing some things over time.

For a while now, Yumetenbo has released larger clothing.  It's not common, but it's not impossible to find clothing from them for larger sizes.

But yesterday, while perusing their shoe selection, I noticed some of their shoes are available in larger sizes.

Mind you, nothing too huge, but I've seen one type go up to 9.5US!

Pumps that are almost sold out
Cute summery shoes
Some sandal type shoes

These are just some that I came across, but I didn't even look at all of their new shoes.  I didn't see any of the older shoes offering this though.
Since there are so few, I'm guessing this is a trial run to see if there's any interest.  I doubt they made too many pair of these larger sizes either.  Still, this is pretty cool!

Only last year did they open the doors to the rest of the world, so I wonder if they're trying to broaden their base.  They're already easier to get out of the country than their competition, they've got good prices, and they offer clothing for those girls out there with bigger chests and bigger hips.  Maybe since they went international, they started getting a large amount of overseas customers?  What do you think?

I hope these new sizes are well received.  I'd like to see even more people able to enjoy their products!

20 Random Facts

Today, I just read the lovely ManaStarre's entry on her 20 random facts.

Since I don't have much happening in my life as of late, and also, maybe this will occupy enough of my mind so I can ignore the cramps I'm currently having until the aspirin kicks in (a necessary evil, if we didn't have them, us women would become far too powerful and definitely take over the world, lol!), I'll do one myself.

...Or Hardly Working?

Ahaha, no, I'm working hard!

Today marks the end of my 3rd week since I got serious about my full switch to the Hime lifestyle.

But I feel like I'm not making any progress, lol.  I'm still making too many mistakes.

Like, I never seem to put on enough eyeliner, so you see the gap of skin color between real and fake eyelashes.  I'm not trying to be stingy, but I have no idea where to stop!   I'm too worried I'm putting on way too much....  And I'm too shaky in application.  I guess from a distance it doesn't matter, and even the best out there don't do it perfectly smooth, but the perfectionist in me says it definitely does matter, and if I walk out of the house like that, everyone will notice....
And for that matter, I never seem to put on enough glue on my eyelashes.  I keep thinking, surely this *extremely thin* layer will do it!  And then it starts peeling at the edges....

I got some wigs in a week ago.  One style I didn't like, and neither color was good for my skin.  Too gold toned....
And the heated curlers I got are too subtle.  My hair only responds to high heat.  I envy girls who can just put their hair in curlers for an hour, and then just walk out the door with perfect curls, lol.  Although I guess that would come with its own set of problems though.

Being a Princess

A few days ago, someone asked me about being a Hime-kei, after being drawn in by the personalities.  She had just posted in a Lolita forum, and unfortunately didn't seem to have a good reception, as it was her first ensemble and she hadn't accumulated much in the way of the fashion, so she started looking up the fashion I was into instead.

Unfortunately, it seems that shortly after asking, she just kind of... left.   It was a little sad, because she was really nice....  It was great to have someone to comfortably talk to about my fashion who would even be a little interested.

Well, I figured I might as well post my thoughts on the matter, since I had a lot to say, and I can use this format to say all that I originally wanted to.  Perhaps then someone starting off could at least know what to look for when attempting such a fashion.  I get a lot of traffic from people looking up Hime-kei lifestyles anyway, how could I have a blog about learning to be a Hime-kei without a post talking about what I know about it so far?


First off, I'd like to post a link to this entry from a girl who translated Takemoto Novala's report on this fashion.

I read it myself, and for the most part, I did agree about the similarities of Lolita and Hime-kei.  In fact, I'm sure this is how many people discovered Hime-kei, and may have even migrated from Lolita (as I did).

However, she states that the one difference between the styles is the Hime-Gyaru's love of sparkly things as opposed to the Lolita not caring much for them.

I can't really agree with that, since I think that's more of an opinion thing.  There are probably Hime-Gyarus who prefer the floral side to the diamond side but I guess this is just nit-picking.  I will say that personally, as much as I love sparkly things myself, it wasn't the glitter that attracted me to Hime-kei.  In fact, the first picture I saw of a Hime-Gyaru, she was adorned in roses and pearls and held a satin bag.  But I digress.


I will also note that this is all opinion.  These are all just things I have discovered not only through research, but personal experiences, as limited as they are.  By all means, if you can tell me more or expand on something, I'm always learning, and you can post away.

Still, someone asked me about it, and if she has that question, it might be on someone else's mind as well.  After all, a search on the fashion mostly leads to either a little blurb about what it is, a ton of people who reposted that silly article about one woman who couldn't control her spending and depended on her parents to take care of her just to buy Jesus Diamante, or a person who read that silly article and now has a negative view on the whole fashion.  Seriously, who wants to be associated to that?  I remember reading all of those things and for a while feeling bad that this was the fashion I chose to follow....


So I guess I'll start with the misconceptions I've noticed around.