As you know, I'm learning to be a Hime-gyaru (and a Hime-kaji too, technically, but I put them under the same category).
This blog is mainly about my life and my discoveries. I wanted to see how far I've come so I'd have some motivation to keep going, as well as to maybe help others who are also starting out in a similar style and are beginning their own research. My ultimate goal is to be the American version of Himena, lol.
Lately, I've been accumulating a lot of nice things. It's great, because for the first time in my life, when I see myself in the mirror wearing these clothes, I don't see me wearing nice clothes, I see myself finally in my own skin. This style was one of the best things to come along into my life.
I've been practicing walking in heels, and while my test runs are still a little shaky, and I tend to get exhausted after only 10 minutes, my steps are a little more sure, and I think if I continue, I'll be able to last a little longer.
I'm practicing my makeup, and gathering a few more things for my collection. Just recently, I bought some cute baby pink lipgloss, in fact. My dream is to one day own some Jill Stuart eyeshadows and some Yves Saint Laurent lipsticks, but I guess that'll come in time. Until then, I'll be glad to use what I have.
As you can see, though this may be just a fashion to some, I'm taking it very seriously. It's because I'm really passionate about it. I'm really happy to have found my niche and gained the ability to finally portray myself the way I've always wished I could. I can finally show everyone who I am on the inside even just with what I'm wearing on the outside, so I want to make sure I get it right. For once, I feel comfortable in my own skin.
I've been stepping out every so often, wearing one or two of my cute things, trying to see if I can do it. Sometimes, it's a little scary, because it's so out of my comfort zone. Actually, I can't see my comfort zone from here at all, lol. But even when I'm wearing my JD replica coat over some oversized shirt and pajama pants, and holding my cute Yumetenbo purse, and using my matching wallet.... I feel confident. Not the "I'm so much cuter and better than you'll ever be" confident. I feel like I'm in my element. I know I must get strange looks or bad comments because I'm so different, but I feel above it now. I guess it's because I finally accept who I am and am not ashamed even when I know how far from normal I'll be considered as. I've even come to accept all of the things I formerly hated about myself, like my thin legs (I call them 'deer legs' since deer are so graceful, and it's tons better and prettier sounding than 'bird legs') and my small chest. Even if no one else likes me, I like myself, so it's okay.
So I think it's time.
On June 4th, I will be making my official debut. I will stop dipping my toes in the waters and just jump right in. I'll start to phase out my old wardrobe (probably donate a lot of things if they're in good enough shape) and replace them with something I know is more "me".
Don't get me wrong, I won't be anywhere near close to being done tweaking myself at that point.
Just think of it like this, the girl in my profile picture is the prototype. I wanted to see if I liked the style, if I was comfortable wearing it at all, and if I should continue to invest in it. Upon realizing that I was indeed headed in the right direction, the rest of the time was spent ironing out the kinks and doing more test runs. The person you will see on June 4th will be Hime 1.0. At that point, I'll be up for public scrutiny, but I'll also be able to get assistance to help make me better at Hime-kei. There's only so much that I can learn alone, so I'll have to risk it eventually, if I want to be good at it.
Sure, I could just put on a coordinate now, post the photo, and that could be my debut, but I'd really like to get a foundation down, gather more coordinates, and learn more techniques, so that when someone offers some advice, I'll at least not be so behind that I'm starting from scratch. I want to be able to explain what direction I want to be in, and know what I like and dislike first. The biggest thing about this debut is that I will be striving to go in full Hime and Hime-kaji as often as I can, eventually to the point where it becomes an everyday thing (unless I'm working at a place with a uniform or something, but even then I can probably have cute hair or accessories or something).
I think I'm most nervous about what my family might think. They're already really shocked at the little things I've been revealing because it's so different from the usual me, like my new-found love of cooking and my choice of clothing as of late. I know my grandma thinks somehow I'm being corrupted (lol, but she always thinks that) and my mom was pretty meh about the Lolita scene of '09. My family is very important to me, and I know all they want most is my happiness, but it's still a little scary. I hope they will accept the new me too!
Maybe you're wondering why a specific date like June 4th? Because my yearly horoscope told me that was the day I'd do it, lol. Self-fulfilling prophecy! Actually, I wasn't going to do any formal thing, but upon reading it, I thought it might be a fun thing to do. I should set a date, so I won't get lazy about it, lol.
Anyway, this gives me a little more than 12 weeks to prepare. It's exciting~
Until then, please continue to give me your support. I really do appreciate all of the kind messages I've been getting from such lovely people. You're all really wonderful! Thank you!
I'll do my best!