Sunday, February 3, 2013


Hello everyone~!

It's been a while!  I've been working/sleeping lately....  I'm so exhausted these days.   I think it's because I haven't been active like I've been.  But, I've got 2 days off, so I guess now's as good a time as ever to talk about what's been going on in the past couple of months with me!

First off, a very belated happy holidays to everyone, lol.   As usual, I celebrated on Christmas Eve, and I got a fur hat, a gas card, a homemade sweater, and some money.  The next day, I got my "special occasion" dress for my wishlist:

I discovered it on a lovely Etsy shop called Amordress, and I couldn't stop staring at it, so come Christmas day, I took advantage of the 10% off sale and bought it!   It came in, and it's absolutely lovely!   It'll be a bit longer before I can get my Liz Lisa trunk (I spent a good deal of the rest of my money on later adventures that I will talk about), so it was great to see one of my gifts in person sooner.

New Years!
For New Year's Eve, some friends and I went to the new Dave and Busters!  I last went officially for Halloween (a couple friends and I went as characters from the Resident Evil 1 game, and we made references the whole time!).   This year, I got to hang out with my friend Tara for a bit.  We played a ton of Pump It Up, because people kept putting their money in the machine, but not figuring out how to start it, so they would leave, lol.

I haven't been practicing my makeup much (I'm running low on my BB cream, and I'm not sure what I should try next), but when I do, I'm usually able to get the effect I want.   I've also been working on my beginner wardrobe wishlist.   As I've mentioned, the dress above will be my "special occasion" dress, but since I don't really have too many special occasions to deal with, I've decided to make it my "Star Attraction" dress, for when I really want to pull out all of the stops.   I've found a few items that I want to go with it AND that will go with anything else that I want for my wishlist.  I've also narrowed the definition of my fashion sense a little more, and have decided that I will go into Retro Gyaru, since it seems most of the dresses and things I like from major brands like Liz Lisa and Jesus Diamante are the styles that borrow heavily from the 40's through early 60's (and 20's style gowns), and classic Lolita is one of my biggest influences.   I've even developed a minor obsession for hats like fascinators (that is, the more elegant ones as opposed to the crazy, elaborate ones, lol) and pillbox hats.   BUT, I still really love the big Hime hair and dramatic eyes and pearls and flowers....  So... Retro Hime style?  That's a thing now, I made it a thing if it wasn't already.  I'm currently creating an outline for what I want my style to consist of.

I'm still me.  Maybe?  Maybe not.  I've grown a bit since last year.  I've certainly learned a lot about myself in the past year.  This is something I hope to continue into this year as well.  I want to focus on how I interact with others.  In the past few months, I've actually gained a few new friends and opened up a little more.   I'm always inside of my head when it comes to interactions rather than actually enacting them, because I'm always practicing what to say in different situations so I won't make a fool of myself, so I'm always surprised when people act differently from the way I've imagined them.  I find people really interesting.   I would also like to focus on making friends with myself.  Being thin has always been a bit of a mixed bag for me, mostly being negative.  Growing up, I was taught that "real women have curves," so I always believed that I could never be pretty or feminine because I didn't have them.  I never felt like a gorgeous, thin model, I always felt like a gangly, flat-chested freak.   I feel like guys don't look at me, because I don't have the big breasts or round hips that are popular.  But I don't want to feel that way anymore.  I don't have to love what I am, but I should accept myself.  After all, I have to be me 100% of the time.  I've developed a bit of a system.  Whenever I start looking down on myself, I imagine myself talking down to my 12 year-old self.  My 12 year-old self was already really confused by why so many kids her age were telling her she wasn't pretty or "developed" enough and why she couldn't just be herself, so to imagine myself yelling at her for the same reasons, it not only makes me feel terrible, but I start to encourage her instead.

Anyway, I hope I can write entries with more substance in the future, lol.  Thank you all so much for sticking with me in the past few years, and I hope you'll continue to stay even in this year.


  1. Awww, you should remember that people like too point out flaws instead of praising others, which I think it silly. Your dress is really really pretty too! :)

    1. This is true, but it's sad to say the things you learn when you're young are usually the things you have to deal with when you're older, lol....

      And thank you!

    2. I agree! Furthermore, people also like to point out perfectly normal characteristics in a way to make them appear to be flaws.

  2. Oh my goodness! That is such a pretty "special occasion" dress that you had ordered! ^^ I wouldn't mind wearing that dress everyday if possible, and once you gain the confidence level that you need, maybe you should too! <3 Retro Hime definitely sounds interesting, and I cannot wait to see how that works out for you! ^^

    In regards to body shape, I find that I have the opposite thinking when it comes to "having more curves" to look prettier. By that I mean I constantly think (and sometimes wish) that my boobs were not so huge so that I could fit into some of the JD dresses that I have been eying. Funny thinking isn't it?

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with getting your wardrobe and style together!

    1. Thank you! They ran out of the ones with the white floral pattern, but they still have one with dark brown. If you got one, we could be twinning buddies XD

      And thank you. I just got a huge burst of inspiration with the arrival of my new LL trunk. I may have to rethink my priorities with going to Japan, lol.

  3. That dress is really beautiful! I can imagine an elegant, off-white, lacey crocheted cardigan with it. How is the fit? I always steer clear of strapless dresses and tops as I've had bad experiences with them since it's so hard to find one that's small enough for me. Since you are a fellow Tiny Girl, I feel that I can trust your judgment. =3

    I LOVE the sound of your new style goal. It sounds amazing; I love blended and customised styles. I think it calls for more creativity, so you can really see the fashionista's artistic vision shine through as an extra addition to the whole look than a standard look or coördinate set might offer. I love standard looks too, but for different reasons of course! Customised and Standard are like two friends: I love them both for who they are in their own rights however different they might be.

    I think I know exactly(ish) how you feel in the "skinny minnie" department. The growing up experience was a bit opposite for me, though. My breasts started developing before most of my peers', I think because I was a year older than everyone else (my mother told me that it was probably due to my Mediterrenean ancestry that made me develop faster than others, but I really don't believe that is true). The attention I got was also the opposite attitude that was shown to you: my newly blossoming bust was pointed out loudly by my friends or cousins in front of other people (including boys) with the insinuation that it was an indelible sin or incurable flaw fit for ridicule -- not a goal or admirable feat accomplished. For many years after that, I had the idea ingrained in my head that breasts were a terrible thing to possess, especially if they were big enough to be noticed. It was difficult for my mother to get me to wear anything apart from the sports bras she bought because I wanted my chest as flat and still as possible like it once was. Now fully matured, I am just a simple B cup. If I could go back in time, I would like to slap all my little "friends" before they could even finish their sentences. ¬_¬

    Apart from that, there have always been jokes and comments tossed my way throughout my life about my being skinny and lightweight. So much so that I started repeating the comments to myself and taking it to the next level by believing them -- while adding that I'm too skeletal and pointy to be _____ (fill in the blank). I also heard the "real women have curves" crap growing up too, which I was sick of hearing. I would ask, "so I'm a fake girl because I'm X-teen years old still waiting for my hips to arrive?" (never got a reply to that one).

    I still often feel like a gangly freak around other people, especially curvier girls, but back in late October, I too wanted to stop thinking negatively about my shape, or anything I dislike about my body. I want to either accept it for what it is or do whatever is in my power to make it better for me to see fit to accept. I've never thought anything ill about anyone else's body shape whether they were small and skinny like me, or taller and curvier, or anything else in between. It was only mine that I would frown upon. I realised I would look at naturally thin girls, like myself, and be like, "wow, she's so small!" and really feel proud of them; for what, though? Maybe their ability to be the kind of cute and pretty that I've never felt I was? I'm not even completely sure. Maybe I've admired them for just not being me! But anyway, I have a similar method to snapping myself out of it. Whenever I think of something less than kind about my shape (or lack thereof, har har... oh, there I go again!) I ask myself if I would EVER think or say such a thing about some body else. The answer is no, I wouldn't, so I shouldn't think such things about myself either!

    Wow, this was a long comment! Apologies for being too wordy!

    1. I thought I had posted a response to this forever ago, but then I remembered I couldn't because the Internet went out when I tried to. If you somehow come across this later, I'm so sorry! I did read it. It really sucks how people don't realize that these little comments can lead to self-loathing.... I wish you luck on accomplishing your goal!

      And I don't mind any wordiness ^_^

  4. That dress is incredible. Nuff said. :)

    1. Isn't it? It's such a unique style <3

  5. Replies
    1. It really is a lovely dress! I hope I can figure out how to take in the waist without losing such lovely details, because I really would like to wear it often.