It's been a while! I've been working/sleeping lately.... I'm so exhausted these days. I think it's because I haven't been active like I've been. But, I've got 2 days off, so I guess now's as good a time as ever to talk about what's been going on in the past couple of months with me!
First off, a very belated happy holidays to everyone, lol. As usual, I celebrated on Christmas Eve, and I got a fur hat, a gas card, a homemade sweater, and some money. The next day, I got my "special occasion" dress for my wishlist:
I discovered it on a lovely Etsy shop called Amordress, and I couldn't stop staring at it, so come Christmas day, I took advantage of the 10% off sale and bought it! It came in, and it's absolutely lovely! It'll be a bit longer before I can get my Liz Lisa trunk (I spent a good deal of the rest of my money on later adventures that I will talk about), so it was great to see one of my gifts in person sooner.
For New Year's Eve, some friends and I went to the new Dave and Busters! I last went officially for Halloween (a couple friends and I went as characters from the Resident Evil 1 game, and we made references the whole time!). This year, I got to hang out with my friend Tara for a bit. We played a ton of Pump It Up, because people kept putting their money in the machine, but not figuring out how to start it, so they would leave, lol.
I haven't been practicing my makeup much (I'm running low on my BB cream, and I'm not sure what I should try next), but when I do, I'm usually able to get the effect I want. I've also been working on my beginner wardrobe wishlist. As I've mentioned, the dress above will be my "special occasion" dress, but since I don't really have too many special occasions to deal with, I've decided to make it my "Star Attraction" dress, for when I really want to pull out all of the stops. I've found a few items that I want to go with it AND that will go with anything else that I want for my wishlist. I've also narrowed the definition of my fashion sense a little more, and have decided that I will go into Retro Gyaru, since it seems most of the dresses and things I like from major brands like Liz Lisa and Jesus Diamante are the styles that borrow heavily from the 40's through early 60's (and 20's style gowns), and classic Lolita is one of my biggest influences. I've even developed a minor obsession for hats like fascinators (that is, the more elegant ones as opposed to the crazy, elaborate ones, lol) and pillbox hats. BUT, I still really love the big Hime hair and dramatic eyes and pearls and flowers.... So... Retro Hime style? That's a thing now, I made it a thing if it wasn't already. I'm currently creating an outline for what I want my style to consist of.
I'm still me. Maybe? Maybe not. I've grown a bit since last year. I've certainly learned a lot about myself in the past year. This is something I hope to continue into this year as well. I want to focus on how I interact with others. In the past few months, I've actually gained a few new friends and opened up a little more. I'm always inside of my head when it comes to interactions rather than actually enacting them, because I'm always practicing what to say in different situations so I won't make a fool of myself, so I'm always surprised when people act differently from the way I've imagined them. I find people really interesting. I would also like to focus on making friends with myself. Being thin has always been a bit of a mixed bag for me, mostly being negative. Growing up, I was taught that "real women have curves," so I always believed that I could never be pretty or feminine because I didn't have them. I never felt like a gorgeous, thin model, I always felt like a gangly, flat-chested freak. I feel like guys don't look at me, because I don't have the big breasts or round hips that are popular. But I don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't have to love what I am, but I should accept myself. After all, I have to be me 100% of the time. I've developed a bit of a system. Whenever I start looking down on myself, I imagine myself talking down to my 12 year-old self. My 12 year-old self was already really confused by why so many kids her age were telling her she wasn't pretty or "developed" enough and why she couldn't just be herself, so to imagine myself yelling at her for the same reasons, it not only makes me feel terrible, but I start to encourage her instead.
Anyway, I hope I can write entries with more substance in the future, lol. Thank you all so much for sticking with me in the past few years, and I hope you'll continue to stay even in this year.