I hate licorice. A lot.
Just the thought of it is making me want to scrape my tongue of the memory of that horrible flavor. I want to punch the guy who put this in candy form. I mean, I guess some people like it, but for me, they have tainted the name of candy.
A few days ago, I donated a dollar to some people collecting money for some organization. In return, I got a little bag of Jelly Bellys.
I love Jelly Bellys. I'm not normally a fan of jelly beans, but Jelly Bellys are wonderful. They taste exactly like they say they will. Apple, coconut, peach, margarita.... So many delicious flavors~
But, like most jelly beans, they also have licorice flavor. Ick.
Now, I got the little assorted packet, which comes with 10 beans in one of 20 different flavors. So every bean has a 19 in 20 chance of being a flavor I would enjoy.
What do I get when I open my little bag of Jelly Bellys?
Two coconuts, two green apples, a blueberry, a cotton candy, a lemon lime, a pineapple, a buttered popcorn, and...
One disgusting licorice flavor.
I had to laugh.
For the month of April, I've been pretty upset, feeling like I wasn't getting any of the rewards I felt I deserved. It felt like I was working so hard for everyone else, and not even a single 'thank you' was uttered. For a moment, I got caught up in all the politics of Hime-kei (wait, there's Hime politics?), and started getting jealous of all of these people getting noticed without any effort, while I was scraping my way up, feeling like I barely made it an inch higher, and never got so much as a nod in my direction. I started thinking that I would never get to be a good Hime myself, because there's no way I can catch up with how great everyone else is.
I had briefly forgotten the original reason of why I fell for Hime-kei in the first place: because it made me happy. When I first got into it, I was under the impression that the Hime community was mostly dead and that there weren't many Hime-Gyarus in existence anymore. But that didn't matter to me at all. In my mind, even if no one wanted to be a Hime anymore, I would be perfectly fine as the lone princess.
It's been months since I got this purse and wallet, and I still get a sense of pride when I have them on my arm. These things show everyone the kind of person I really am, inside and out. And I still take out my first pair of Hime heels and wear them, just to wear them. I've never felt so pretty in my life, even when I'm in an oversized shirt and draw pants, getting ready to do dishes.
That's why I'm in this fashion. It's not to be famous or to be noticed, it's just to be happy. It's to finally express myself and not fear the opinions of others anymore.
You know, I didn't have to throw away that whole bag of Jelly Bellys just because of that licorice one. The other 9 were quite delicious and quite untainted. I just took the licorice bean and threw it out, and I didn't even miss it.
There's a lesson in life to be had there. Yep, in that little bag of candy.
There's plenty of good and bad memories to be had in life.
Sometimes you get a delicious Juicy Pear flavored memory. Sometimes you get a really sweet Top Banana flavored memory. Sometimes, you even get a weird, yet strangely pleasant Buttered Popcorn flavored memory. And sometimes you reach in the bag and end up taking a bite out of a horrible licorice flavored memory. It might ruin your taste buds for a few moments, but then you reach in again, and lo-and-behold, your favorite, a Strawberry Cheesecake flavored memory that you will never forget.
Thinking positively is difficult. It seems really easy, but it's not. Humans tend to be negative because it's a way of self-preservation. We read patterns to protect ourselves. You eat at a restaurant and become really sick, so you learn never to eat at that restaurant again. You use a shampoo and it makes your head itch, so you learn never to buy that brand again. We seem to learn more through negative reinforcement than positive, because more than we want to be happy, we just don't want to get hurt.
But as a result, when something bad happens while you're trying your best, you start getting down on yourself. You're trying to guard your heart from future pain by giving up. It's not that I don't want to be happy, it's just that I fear if I'm happy, something might come along and take it all away. It's not that I don't want to succeed, it's that I'm scared that I may work my absolute hardest and still mess up completely. You ate one licorice bean, so you start waiting for those licorice beans, even expecting them, and you're throwing out all of the nice flavors along the way!
Positive thinking is a lot of work, but it's well worth it. It might seem like it's pointless to see the bright side of things, especially when you're in the midst of darkness, but it really does help a lot.
When you're worried that no one will like you for who you are, instead, start telling yourself that you're a really cool and unique person that everyone should have in their life.
When you think you will never be in a proper relationship, instead, start telling yourself that whoever you end up with will be a wonderful person who is lucky to have you.
When you're looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you'll never be as cute as so-and-so, instead, start telling yourself that you're extremely cute in a different way than they.
When you're just in an all around bad situation and you believe you will never make it through, instead, tell yourself that it's just one bad moment in a lifetime of good, and that it's a waste of your mind and energy to keep focused on it.
It'll feel like you're lying, like you don't deserve such words. But if you say it enough, it becomes truth.
Not only will your self-esteem go up, and not only will you be able to bounce back from the failures in life quicker, but also, your mind will be clearer, because you won't worry as much. It'll be easier to talk to people because you've convinced yourself that you've got a lot of interesting things to say. The confidence you exude will make everyone around you think you've just figured out some amazing secret. The smile on your face will be real, and not only will you feel prettier, you'll be prettier, while still doing what you've always done.
Don't believe me? Then just try it for yourself for a month. Next time you're putting yourself down, instead, bring yourself up. If you make a mistake, tell yourself that all you did was stumble, and tell yourself that it'll get better. Remind yourself everyday that you're worth it. You may not notice anything at first, and it may even be a little frustrating to do when you don't really want to, but when you look back, you'll see a huge difference!
"I can't do it because..." and other excuses you give yourself to convince you not to try in your lives will become "I'm not able to do that yet, but eventually...!"
Only I can make myself happy. I'm still learning that now. It's too sad that you can be called beautiful, funny, great all the time, and you don't believe it, yet if some random nobody calls you ugly, you think it's true and remember it forever! No more denying it if someone give you a compliment. It's not selfish to accept it and thank them, and hey, give them a compliment too! No more saying you'll never be as good as someone else. You can be even better than that limit. If you fall on your face, get right back up and call it a minor setback. Don't even give it the power to keep you down! And when everything is overwhelming you, and you don't think you can take it anymore, go ahead, have a good cry, punch your pillow, and then decide that tomorrow will be a better day.
Toss those gross licorice flavored thoughts (or whatever flavor you hate most) into the trash and enjoy the other delicious thoughts instead~!