Friday, December 11, 2009

Le Sigh

Since I didn't really talk about what I've done so far in my last entry, we'll say that this is my first assignment. I'm pretty much on the ground level, setting up foundations and whatnot. That is to say, while I've started this project a month ago, I'm still at the beginner level, and to really explain where I'm coming from, I must start at the beginning. Waaaaaaaay at the beginning. Well, you know, not *that* far back. Ah, you'll see what I mean.

See, before my project, I didn't really take care of myself much. I didn't know how, and it all looked way too hard and complex to begin, when I started looking at how far behind I was. I had Dependent Personality Disorder, an issue where not only do you really depend on people to help you survive, but you absolutely need them. It's not like "I need someone to tell me they love me," it's "I need someone to take care of me." I really did.

I was pretty bad. There were times where I would convince myself I wasn't hungry, even though I hadn't eaten all day, just because there wasn't anything easy to make in the house. My skills were basically Minute Rice, pasta, and frozen dinners. Thing was, everything else just seemed too complicated. I couldn't connect the dots between start and finish. All I knew was that I had an egg, some flour, sugar, and butter, and that somehow, they had to become a 7 tier wedding cake. It's really daunting when you're only looking at start and finish.

I've since realized I need to work in steps, so as to keep me from being overwhelmed, and therefore, giving up before I start. Still have to work on it, but I now know how to make more than just pasta with butter ^_^ I've even made onion rings! Yeah, not complicated, but it was an accomplishment for me!

So anyway, yeah, my whole everything just went to Hell. I had bad, dingy skin with lots of acne scars, because all I ever did was wipe it with a damp, soapy face towel. My hair was long and thick, but because I didn't know how to wash it or straighten it, I had to wait until I had enough money to go to a hairdresser, which meant, ew, unwashed hair for weeks. Besides, I had a straight perm, and in order to keep your hair remaining straight (as the word 'perm' is quite misleading), you can't wash it but once every 3 weeks (and every 6 weeks was the perm touch-up). It's a lot of money, and I work at what should essentially be a job for teenagers, as in, I don't even make the bracket for lower class. I'm not even on the map when it comes to yearly salary.

This is digressing.

My hair was gross at the scalp, and dry at the ends. In February, after a break-up, I up and decided I wanted it short. Last time I had it short, was back in 6th grade.... major disaster. I looked like a little boy ;_; Well, this was what I needed for my hair: a clean slate. I didn't start washing it at that point, but I had gotten rid of every split end I had in one fell swoop. And my hair looked nice ^^ I've decided I will grow it again (it was about 24inches before the cut), this time, taking care of it. It's growing out beautifully now, and it's grown around 4 inches.

This is where I'm beginning.

In November, while looking at videos on YouTube, I noticed an adorable face staring back at me in the Featured Video section. This face changed everything. See, this video belonged to a woman who called herself 'Bubbi'. She was a make-up guru, but a different kind, someone specializing in quick techniques, instead of flashy ones. Seeing that looking good doesn't have to be a 5 hour deal made me feel a lot more confident about improving the health of my skin and hair, but it was her video about how to be happy that sealed the deal. She simply said just go for it. Probably the simplest concept known to man, and I was just now getting it. Just go for it. Instead of wishing and wanting and hoping and praying.... Just go for it.

You ever see that episode of Spongebob, where Patrick falls off of a cliff and when Spongebob puts the brain coral on Patrick's head, there's a scene where a plug goes into a socket, and all of the gears in his head start turning for the first time ever? Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

So... I started to go for it. I bought myself my very first beauty-geared item: a hair straightener. It was cute and pink ^^ Bought some Chi Silk-Infusion, and a moisturizing cream. Discovered the cream wasn't good for my hair. My first discovery! Bought some face cleansers. Found one that didn't dry my face out instantly. What, you mean that face cleansers are not supposed to make your face feel *that* dry while you're in the middle of washing? Another discovery! I grew up believing that things were exactly as they seemed. What you get is what you will always get. I never knew there were... options. If it's not good, I can do better. If it doesn't work, find something that does. It makes sense. So why didn't it to me until just now?

Since I'm so behind, I'm still learning. Taking advice, reading reviews, and whatnot. I have a list of things I want to accomplish. I originally had 5 things checked off, but again, I was still stuck in the ways of just settling for average. My shampoo/conditioner is really nice, makes my hair very shiny and soft, but the flyaways are unbearable, and it smells like nothing. I need something very rich for my hair. For my face, I went back to Noxema, since the Clean & Clear face scrub just made my face feel so unbearably dry, even while I was in the middle of using it. It's only been one night, but I like Noxema's scrub, and I should have gone to them in the first place. They were the first facial cleanser I used, and I loved it then, what was I thinking, going elsewhere? But I think I need a lotion better suited for combination skin like mine. The oil on my face is pretty concentrated around my nose, with a spot under my lip, and between my eyebrows. Rest of it is dryyyyyyy. Do I have to do like a mixture of lotions? Like, use one lotion for the oily sections, and one for the dry? I don't know, but I guess I'll find out one way or another.

Trying out some new shampoo and conditioner as well. Went for Herbal Essence. Shampoo for long hair, since I'm growing mine out, and conditioner for an overload on conditioning.... or it's the other way around, I can't be bothered to go across the hallway to check ^^; And a Garnier hairspray, because while I have very thick hair that can hold a curl for a long time (at least 3 hours before they start to fall), I need something even stronger, to keep my ringlets in for a few more hours. Yeah, another technique from my muse Bubbi, is how to get curls from a straightener. Made my life, because ever since a curling iron fell on my arm as a kid, I was terrified of curling irons. Losing the fear now, and so I will be getting one sometime, but at least I can still get variety from my wonderful straightener (a limited pink Solia). You know, the straighteners I grew up were those big, flat ones, where you could only make your hair straight or give it a flip. I didn't know these things existed before Bubbi. The more you know! *shooting star*

My post is now on rambling, and if by chance my first visitor has wandered in, I apologize, it's just that I have to really explain where I'm coming from to make this trek a little easier to understand. I'm a clueless girl trying to figure out how to take care of herself inside and out, basically. This is a whole 'nother beast here that I'm dealing with. Daunting, but exciting, especially when I look at all the cute things I can have~ Can't wait until Christmas, hopefully I get some money to buy clothes from Rakuten. I'm in love with Deary clothes. Seriously, why don't adorable things like that exist here?? Sexy is so overrated (or maybe I'm just saying that because I can only pull off 'cute' and 'child-like'?)

Also, I wonder if instead of at least once a week, I should do this once every day. It seems like a lot, but, heck, you get homework almost every day. Besides, it would definitely keep me on track, but then I wonder, would anyone be upset if I missed a day? Doubt it.... I doubt anyone even wants to read this but me anyway! I'll try for once a day, I know I'm running at full speed now, because it's early, and these are my first entries, but eventually, the novelty will probably wear off. I'll start slowing down, and soon, it'll be entries like "So.... I took a nap.... Bye!" or something. I don't know, the more I think about it though, the more I like a daily blog. It'll keep me focused, so I'm not losing sight of my goals. I want to accomplish so much by the end of 2010, and I don't want to slack off, like I did with NaNoWriMo.... -_-;

Once a day it is, even if nothing has happened. I'll set an alarm if I have to.

~Lots of Love~

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