Thursday, December 10, 2009


I should be sleeping, but instead, I'm going to embark on a SUPER LIFE CHANGING EVENT today.

Something like that.

Today, I'm going to turn myself into a ~princess~. Well, not like a real princess of course, but kind of.
Look, what I mean is that, I've lived my whole life in the shadows, never standing out when I could. Choosing the safe and easy route because I figured I'd fail if I tried something new. Always looking at the exciting opportunities out there, but dismissing them because dreams just don't come true.

Maybe I could have been a star.
Maybe I'd be living the dream.
Someone's dream, at least.
But alas, I am not. In my twenties, looking at what seems like everyone else's life being super exciting and full of adventure. Not saving the world adventure, not even meeting famous people adventures. Typical everyday adventures that I'm sure they take for granted.

GAH! I'm *tired* of living life as a background extra! Suddenly, all the years I drifted through life, telling myself that I'm okay with this, that this is all the fun I want, that I don't want to travel, or try new things. I'm a go-with-the-flow kind of girl, right?

I am not.

I want to be the one making waves!

I am somewhat lying; I made this realization back in the beginning of November ^^
BUT, today is the day I document my changes. Day by day, or whenever I update this thing. I figure if I'm writing down what I'm doing, maybe I won't turn lazy and get bored with it or something. In the end, even if my goal turns out different, I just can't continue hoping that one day I'll wake up and things will change. It hasn't worked for years. Probably not going to work. Maybe, but the chances are pretty slim. I'd probably have a better chance of being attacked by falling pigeons.

So, today, we'll say today is the day.
We'll move in a direction that leads me somewhere nice. Somewhere not here. Because here is boring. It's full of TV shows I don't watch and a messy room with barely any furniture. I want to be somewhere full of clothes that I haven't been wearing for the past 2 years because "my clothes are still perfectly functional." I want to do almost the opposite of what I'm doing right now (but probably no going to clubs. I went to one, it was pretty boring, but then again, I was with a group of people, only one of whom was my close cousin and friend, and even he was with his girlfriend)

This is a rather long entry, because I've got a lot of ground work to lay out.
Because I didn't think I actually cared, there's a lot of things I never bothered to learn back in high school. Things that most women are now expert in. Like how to take care of their skin, and exercise. When girls were trying to learn how to do their hair in different styles, I was napping my days away. When everyone was talking about that one time they went to such-and-such to hang out, I was playing a video game I had already played and beat 20 times before. Life passed me by for 10 years. I wasn't smart enough to actually do something during it....

I've got to take the time to finally learn about myself. Finding my strengths and weaknesses. And I've decided that 2010 is the year I'll do it. The whole year. Yes, I'm making an event of it, not just a passing thought.

And you can watch, if you want. Maybe there's someone like me who suddenly decided they too were tired of their mundane life. Maybe there's someone out there who can kick my butt into gear when I start slacking off. Watch me as I learn how to become said princess. Why a princess? Well, because this all started when I wanted to be the very embodiment of Lolita. After discovering Koakuma Ageha, I'm just now seeing that, really, I just like to look cute no matter how (ironically, because I used to hate being considered 'cute', especially in a country where people like to be 'sexy'). And besides, everyone always notices princesses in the crowd, without them trying to be noticed. That's what I want. I want to stand out, not so that everyone will see me and love me, but so that I can finally look at myself and see that I really exist. That I'm not a background extra, I'm at least the second leading girl. I don't know what I'm doing, but I guess I won't know until I learn for myself.

Once a week. I will update this at least once a week. I won't even give myself an option, I need to do this, to show myself what I've done so far. Even if nothing has happened, I'll post a report of what I've done, or even what I'm doing and what I want to do. I know if I don't do this, I'll never do it. Then I'll be stuck here every day. Bored out of my mind and hoping maybe something will happen anyway. For another 10 years.....

Now I really, really should get to sleep. I probably won't though. My sleep schedule is probably set to Korea or something.

~Lots of Love~

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