Tuesday, November 18, 2014

How a Nail Polish Collection Changed Everything

This is a story about how buying an $18 5-drawer plastic rolling dresser for my overflowing nail polish collection changed my entire life.
Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic.  But not entirely untrue, strangely.

Things kind of snowballed.  I had bought dozens of nail polish over the year, which had, as a result, overrun a good portion of shelving space.  I needed to get them somewhere else, so I bought a rolling shelf to put them in.

The next day, I had cleaned my room totally.

Why am I bringing this up?  Just to show how one very small thing can easily hold back or accelerate things.  One thing happens, and suddenly everything is different.  You come up with one idea, you take one little step, and suddenly, you realize you're halfway to finding your own happiness, stuff like that.  Or you really want to accomplish something, but something small that seems way too huge to go past can hold you back completely.

I wanted to come back, but I wasn't ready.  I mean, I had all the clothes, but where was the style?  Where was the zeal?  I was only doing things halfway, and I felt it completely.  I was wishing to do more, but when I had the chance, I always came up with an excuse, and in the end, I only did part of it.

I had two big excuses.  No makeup, and a messy room.  I was too embarrassed to come here with a blank face and a million cords and dusty game systems all over the floor.  I was always super envious of everyone else with their nice rooms with all the space to take nice photos, because I didn't think I could ever get something that nice, no matter what angle I was at.  I was coming up with outfits I really liked, but it became a bother to have to take all the junk off my nightstand, hide all the stuff I was hanging on the cabinet doors, and shove all of my stacks of books and papers covered in drawings of clothing and notes for myself off to the side enough so they wouldn't show up in pictures.  Actually, I dreaded it.  Not to mention, I didn't have foundation anymore.  I had run out of the BB cream I was using last year, and even though I had the money, I'd blow it all on snacks or trinkets, things I didn't really need (like more nail polish, lol).  I told myself, this paycheck, I'll buy the makeup.  I told myself, this weekend, I'll neaten up my room.  And I never did, because it seemed like so much work, I wasn't making enough, and I was just too tired....


I like blogging.  I really do.  But I'm a perfectionist, so I hate doing things only part of the way, because I only feel disappointment that I could and should have done more.  So, I would neaten up the floor a bit, but I still had a bag full of old fabric and yarn from some school project I finished without them.  I'd rearrange my shelves, but I had piles of clean clothes I hadn't folded piled up in a basket.   In the end, one part of the room was a little less cluttered, but the rest of the room was still cluttered and ugly, and after a while, I would give up keeping things neat and just toss everything to the ground again.  'What was the point?' I thought. 'It still looks like a mess everywhere else.'  'I'm just too tired to clean everything, and I have to wake up super early tomorrow.'  'I'm fitting my entire life in my room, of course it'll never look nice.'  Etc.  I wouldn't let anyone in my room.  I wouldn't let anyone see my room.  By the end of it all, I couldn't even use my own full sized mirror.  I had bought a scanner/printer, and the only space I thought I had left was right in front of it.  I was overwhelmed, and I wanted to just wanted to believe it was impossible to fix and that I was defeated.

Then I bought a little rolling shelf.

I put all my nail polish away, and rolled it to the one spot where it wouldn't be in the way: next to the TV.  But I had two drawers left.  I didn't know what to do with them, so I just shrugged and went to sleep.  At least my nail polish collection was put away.

I set my alarm for 7am, since I'm trying to get in the habit of waking up early, even on my days off.  Still, as the alarm went off, my intention was to go right back to sleep.  Not like I had anything else to do that day that I really needed to be up so early.  But as I closed my eyes, waiting to eventually drift off again, an idea popped into my head.

Why don't you put your gaming systems in those other drawers?  You can get them off the floor and out of the dust!
I actually couldn't sleep anymore until I did this, so I grabbed some bleach wipes and paper towels, wiped down the systems and put them away.  But then I thought, well if the systems are put up, there's no reason to keep the power cords out, right?  I wiped down the cords and extra controllers and put them away as well.  Then I figured, since the floor is cleared, why not sweep up the area?

The floor looked clearer than it ever had, and I just kept going.

Hey, if I'm going to clean all this stuff, why don't I sort out the clutter around it, and finally get rid of this bag of yarn that's been sitting here for years? 
Well since I have space on this shelf now that all the nail polish is put away, let's rearrange some stuff and put my printer in here instead of in front of the mirror!
Let's reorganize the rest of the shelf, and clear up some space on the top while I'm at it!
Let's wipe down that light fixture and replace the burnt bulbs!

I didn't stop moving for hours, and I never felt tired for a second.  I just felt brighter and clearer, and everything just flowed effortlessly.  I cleaned for 10 hours straight, tossed out 4 bags worth of trash and old products, and sorted piles of paper into a cute file I've owned for months.

I had all of the tools I needed to accomplish this except for a shelf for my nail polish, apparently.

The lesson of the story isn't how to clean a room.  Actually, this is how starting and finishing a goal works.  Even though I knew this in theory, I didn't actually know it in application until now.  Do some little things, and you feel accomplished.  Soon, you start saying, hey, why stop there?  Let's start the next thing while I'm on a roll!  Nothing I did felt overwhelming.  I probably could have stopped anywhere I wanted and felt accomplished.  But I did one little thing over here, and one little thing over there, and when I stepped back, everything was done.  I have so much floor space, and even better, I don't feel so self conscious about what's going on behind me (although it'll be even better once I get a shelf for all my cute shoes back there).  I thought I wouldn't be able to accomplish it unless I spent hundreds of dollars on special cabinets and dressers, and at one point, I had so much stuff around that I thought I'd have to move into my own place before I had the space to get back into taking outfit shots again.  (And who even knows when that would be? o_o)  In other words, I was lazing around, waiting for my 'big break' instead of doing something to make it happen on my own, and I was coming up with all of these arbitrary and lofty conditions for success to happen when it was really so simple.  In the words of 90s Sonic the Hedgehog, "That's no good."

Then, cleaning my room lead to me going back to practicing my fashion again.

I bought some more makeup.  I originally bought them as a gift for myself for working so hard, but then I started thinking about what else I need to get in order to accomplish the look I really want.  And because I wanted my face to be more even in texture so the makeup would go on smoothly, I got back into my skin regimen.  Then I thought, I should start taking vitamins again, I've been kind of lethargic these days.

And so on.

I felt like the biggest bum in the world.  The 3rd anniversary of my debut came and went (I wrote it in my schedule at the start of the year, I was so excited!), and even though I had ideas, I never followed through, because I felt like it was too much work and I was too far behind on it all.  Even though I wanted to show everyone how far I've come and what I've learned, the mountain of stuff I felt needed to climb in order to do it seemed too high and impossible to pass.  I wanted everyone to join me on my journey to get closer to the true me, but I was halting and hiding my progress for such little things, even though it seemed huge in my head.

But now I feel so happy and free.  A huge weight has been lifted off of me, and I genuinely like being in here.  Everything looks so open, but more than that, I feel less stressed.  Heck, I feel like I can move so easily in here now!  And best of all, I feel like if I can do this, I can do even more.

I'm not coming back just yet.  I have a few more things to do.  However, I'd like to come back for the New Year.  Along with my style evolving, my makeup preferences have as well, so I have to buy some new things (especially lashes and circle lenses).  I'm also hoping to accumulate a few more hair pieces and wigs.  I bought a half wig and a fringe piece from Linea Storia (which I adore), and I recently found a cute wig shop with good reviews that I want to try.  In general, I feel a lot more inspired to try, but I know it's just too soon to come back, the way I am right now.  I just need a bit more time to recoup and rebuild.  But I'm almost there.

As always, I'm truly very thankful for those who continue to stick around, though it has been a very, very long time since I've been here.  I haven't left the fashion, still like the Gyaru aesthetic.  Probably more Retro- and Roma-Gyaru than Hime-Gyaru these days, but still love the makeup and hair.  I guess I'll get into things when I come back.

Alright, anyway, time to get back to work.

(Maybe this is the push I needed to get a new phone.  I am *the most* tired of never having any service on my cheapo nothing phone, and besides, I have a whole wishlist of photo apps I want!)

See you in a couple months, and good luck on anything you're trying to accomplish right now!


  1. I'm so happy for you! I have the same problem (in fact probably most of our generation does) and you're so right, the more you do the happier you are, and the more you want to do! Keep on it! Ganbatte!


    1. Thank you very much! I'm learning how to break my steps down into something I can manage instead of trying to do everything at once, getting super overwhelmed, and giving up. It's like thinking I'll put aside $40 each paycheck for a year versus thinking I want to save $1000 by the end of the year. One feels like a daunting mountain where I can mess up anywhere and fail completely, and the other one is that same mountain, but instead of looking at the mountain, I'm looking at the steps I'm taking to climb it. It's easy to think the only way to be happy is to reach the end goal, but it's just as satisfying to accomplish those little things leading up to it, plus it's easier to keep the momentum going that way!

      I hope you're working on what makes you happy as well~! Don't give up!

  2. Extremely inspirational! Maybe I'll finally get my new room painted and decorated just how I want it! Thanks for the lovely post!

    1. Thank you very much! Seriously, just go for it; you'll only regret that you didn't start sooner, lol. Even doing one small thing on your list can spark the motivation you need to keep going. It can feel like a huge undertaking when you're looking at everything you have to do to reach the end, but maybe all you need is a little push to get you feeling good about your accomplishment and excited about doing the next thing ^_^

      Good luck, and thank you for reading~!

  3. First off, I would like to say the following: Oh my gosh, you came back (even if briefly) from your hiatus!

    Anyway, with that being said everything that you had just "rambled" had totally resonated within me since I am pretty much in a similar slump. While not exactly the same problem (I like to think that my room and floor is relatively clean with the exception of needing to organize my desk more and getting some stuff put away), my slump is related more to getting a high-paying job that is related in my field and getting stuff crafted up. The problem to the first one is that there aren't many jobs nowadays that has little-to-no job experience as a requirement and the problem to the second one is that I have a ton of ideas but little motivation/incentive to act on them. I honestly feel that the slump is a temporary state and that we will get back on our feet someday when we finally re-gain the passion or feeling that gave us our goals/dreams in the first place. Based on the post here, I believe that you had finally found yours, which I would like to congratulate you on that! :)

    Based on your money-saving predicament, I was pretty much in the same boat before as well until I had set up a budgeting system that will allow me to precisely track how much money I'm spending as well as earning on a monthly basis. So far, the system has worked well and I believe that it can work for you too! Of course, you don't have to take my suggestion if you don't want to but it is definitely something you can think about for the future!

    Anyway, you will probably not be able to see this by the time I'm done typing but I wish you the best of luck on your endeavours!