Anxious

Haha, so where did yesterday's blog go? I swear, it was an unavoidable circumstance.

See...
I was kind of in the emergency room ^^;;;
I woke up, unable to breathe, and my throat felt like it was closing up. I rushed over, and ended up being there all night until today. The worst part of it was when the woman was trying to draw blood from my wrist. I don't know what she was thinking, maybe something along the lines of that she's never met a girl like me, underweight and anemic. Well, she jabbed my wrist 3 times, and yelled at me for moving. Um, hello, you're sticking a needle into bone! Eventually, she got another guy in, he felt my wrist, then felt my arm, told her to do it there. He turned to me when it was done. "You're anemic, aren't you?" I nodded. He had to actually explain to the woman that that's why she couldn't really feel a pulse on my wrist. Now she knows. When you come across an anemic, the rules are different! XD

Besides all of that drama, I'm doing alright. They diagnosed me with anxiety, and I immediately knew the cause was because of money. It's really the only thing I stress about. Not having enough money, how I'm going to pay for things, needing more for whatever reason, plus wanting to move out of my house and away from my grandma (which requires money). Speaking of grandma, when I got home, she lectured me on everything from why I should love living here with her, to why I shouldn't take pills and should instead rely on praying and herbs. THIS IS WHY I WANT TO MOVE OUT! I don't care that my life is easier, I don't care that I don't have bills to pay, or that everything is provided to me. Maybe she lived with her family even in her marriage days (yes, she did), but *I* don't want that! I want to be on my own, I want to deal with those issues! I don't need my life to be easy anymore! And as she went on about how I should love being this way, I responded with this: "I'm not you. I was never you. So this is what I want." I want to be successful. You can't do that bumming off of relatives.

I remember once forever ago her talking about how she likes living alone, but I don't really think she does. I, on the other hand, love to be alone. It would be great to have my own place to control. No, it won't be easy. But all of my life has been easy. I'm tired of everything being handed to me. It's time I pull my own weight around here.


Anyway, I'm feeling much better now (glad I wasn't allergic to anything, or was asthmatic or anything) besides all of the pin holes everywhere. I'm glad I'm not physically sick, and now, I can actually say that my job literally has driven me crazy.


In other news, I'm going to work for the first time in what feels like forever. I feel so out of the loop. With all of these issues, I wonder if I'll grow to hate my job even more. It looks more and more dismal, when I think about all of the places I've applied to, and how no one has really gotten back to me. My mom tries to tell me I just have to believe I'll get a job, but, it never looks good.

Ugh, see, this is why I'm always stressed out. T_T
I told someone that I think this year will be one of those years where everything starts out crappy, and then everything afterward seems awesome in comparison. I'll believe that ^^


I want to wash my hair and take a shower, but my arms hurt so much! *sob*

~Lots of Love~